Okay, so I hate to dump (pun intended) all over something that may genuinely help people lose weight, but this Alli drug pretty much makes me want to toss my Splenda-baked cookies. You’ve probably heard all about it by now. It's the new over-the-counter weight-loss drug that has been garnering numerous headlines (and punchlines) thanks to a multimillion-dollar advertising blitz. The fact that a few of it's nasty side effects have been perfect fodder for comedians telling fart jokes has only furthered its publicity. Here are my thoughts, for whatever it's worth. I don't care if Alli shaves 20 pounds off my fat butt in a week. I still don't want to have anything to do with it. Why? Because Alli pill poppers are encouraged to keep an "extra pair of pants handy" in case of leakage. Approved by the FDA, Alli works like this: it prevents the gastrointestinal system from absorbing about 25 percent of the fat you would typically consume. However (there's always a however), if you eat more than the recommended fat grams at any given meal, you may experience cramps and the uncontrollable escape of those extra fat grams. My advice is: if you really plan to use this pill, expect to follow the rules. You'll probably also have to buy the companion book, "The Alli Diet Plan" to see any real weight loss. Either way, stick to the guidelines or prepare for gas, oily discharge and loose stools.